help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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