I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
wow bdsm is so cute
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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