i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
