is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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