I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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