I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
