I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
