fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I supernannyed him into submission
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
