Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
