I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
