just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
