so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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