I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
