singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
