beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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