is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize