I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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