found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
