theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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