so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
