I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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