i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
