Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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