I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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