I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize