...so i touched it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
