Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
