I hate all girls vehemently.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
