I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
