I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
