Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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