That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
