apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
