She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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