the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
