are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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