Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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