I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
