so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
