I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
