she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
