i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize