How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
