im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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