And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
