Whod you bang
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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