I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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