Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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