I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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