Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
