I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
