i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
