Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
