So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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