I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
