it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
