You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
