Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
