he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I forget how to act sober
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