the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
