I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize