I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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