I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
