i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
