Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
