just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
