there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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