I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He better not be in your backpack
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
