were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
