Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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