Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
