I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
