dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
