apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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