Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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