We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Randomize